Teen & Young Adult Relationship Advice

 More often when a guy knows that another guy is good looking he’ll refer to him as a “pretty boy”; women would just say something to the affect of, ”Look at that whore. She thinks she’s cute!”, then proceeds to cut their eyes at her. (As if she’s previously done something to them)

Speaking of a similar situation, I was downtown with two male friends of mine. We walked into a sneaker store and there was a girl about my age at the door. She worked there and I guess it was her job to greet customers as they walk in. Well, as we made our way through the store one of my guy friends said, “Did you see that? She just looked at you as if you did something to her.” The girl gave me a dirty look but I didn’t see.

Even guys know how women operate. They know how insecure a woman is because it radiates through her body language, whether you’re cutting your eyes at someone or not.

So, for those women who give dirty looks and make snarky remarks to other women whom you do not know (and you know who you are), do yourself a favor and STOP. You couldn’t scream any louder that you’re insecure and you hate yourself more than you do when you’re doing something like that.

  Just a quick post here: I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while now and I’m curious to know what exactly do men think when a woman has no female friends? If it were the other way around and you (being a female) noticed that the guy you were interested in had no male friends wouldn’t that be a huge red flag? Wouldn’t you start to suspect that he has a social problem or is threatened by the presence of other men? Typically, guys seem to get along with each other much better than females do. They don’t seem to be as petty and when they go out together they are more likely to cheer one another on when it comes to the pursuit of the opposite sex. I’m not saying that jealousy doesn’t exist within the male ego because we all know that it does. But let’s be honest, men seem to be more of allies to each other than women do. (e.g. reality shows)

Could this be the real root of the problem to failed and/or non-existing female friendships? I’m very curious to know what the guys think about this one.

Directed toward the men: Would you pursue a relationship with a woman with no female friends? (This is not counting if she’s new to a certain area)

I’m not the first person to bring this subject up and I most certainly will not be the last. This year is 2011 and I guarantee that in the year 3011 someone will be writing about this same topic, whether it’s on their blog (if there will even still be such a thing) or on a slab of stone if we as the human race back track but that topic is for another blog discussion on a completely different forum :-) So True Love, is it real? I’m not talking about the unconditional love between a mother/father and child because my mother shows this to my brother and I everyday; or even the love between a dog and his owner which we all know to be true. I’m talking about the “in love” between a man and a woman, woman and a woman, or man and a man; whatever your sexual preference.

Is there even such a thing? I don’t mean to be cynical but sometimes I wonder. It seems as if love fades over time or completely goes away. It’s very rare when I witness real love between two individuals. On the contrary though, many months ago I met a married couple in a hospital. The wife is battling cancer unfortunately and was in for her very first treatment. While I was talking with them I of course sensed their fear and sadness of the situation that was at hand. Aside from that, I immediately could tell that they truly loved each other. Each week I would see them when she would come in for her treatments and I still felt the intense love coming from each of them. Not the fake I-want-everyone-to-believe-we’re-happily-married-just-for-show kind of love but true unconditional love that is quite unearthly in my opinion. And I say unearthly because it seems that on this planet we lack love.

Anyway, I told them what I thought about them and even told the wife that I could tell that her husband really loves her. She acknowledged this and seemed as if she already knew this to be true but enjoyed hearing it from someone else.

Then, on the opposite end of the spectrum I’ve heard of scenarios where a couple is deeply in love then all of a sudden one of them falls out of love. How is that possible? I thought that if you TRULY love someone that it would be impossible to fall out of love with them. Does this mean that this person who supposedly fell out of love never was truly in love with you to begin with?

My ultimate question: Is love limitless or can we only fall in so deep?

Do you find that the boyfriend you’re with now is exactly like your ex boyfriend, but the only difference between your current boyfriend and your ex is that they happen to have different DNA. (Let’s hope so) So, what is it about you that continues to attract these kinds of guys?  If you notice the word you is in bold it’s because whether you want to believe it or not you are the problem when it comes to attracting these types of men.

To define bad boy; this means he is disrespectful, calls you out of your name, controlling, a serial cheater, abusive (both mentally & physically), doesn’t care about you whether he tells you this to your face or not (meaning he wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire) and just doesn’t seem like he can stay out of trouble (with the law or with you). Now, he doesn’t have to be a combination of all of these things. One of these factors fully qualifies him. And I strongly believe that one is enough.

 What is it that you are doing to attract this type of guy?

1. Your body language and how you carry yourself.

All types of men, good and bad, have radar. They sniff out what type of girl you are within the first 7 seconds (or even less sometimes) from meeting you or seeing you walk down the street . If you’re sending off the signals that you don’t require much respect then respect is something you will not get.

 2.    Low self-esteem

Esteem means to respect and admire. When you don’t respect and admire yourself you believe that you are not good enough to receive the very best. Therefore, if you don’t hold yourself in high esteem then how do you expect anyone else to?

If you notice 1 & 2 are closely related, they are basically the same issue. To erase this problem out of your life you have to fix yourself. You cannot fix him so stop believing that you can! To do this you have to start loving yourself. I know it can be hard to get into a habit that you are not use to and if you’ve never loved yourself before this can be a challenge but you can start by repeating positive affirmations. (An affirmation is a statement or proposition that is declared to be true). So, every morning when you get out of the shower look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself “I am beautiful and have always been.” Or any other positive comment you can say to yourself. You can say this to yourself throughout the day and every night before you go to bed as well. Eventually your subconscious mind will pick this up and declare it as true.

As you can see this is not a giant list of reasons why you are attracted to no-good guys because the main reason is you and your lack of self-worth. When you fix that you’ll be bad boy free!

Okay, so I just got home after taking a walk around my neighborhood. My mission was to get out of the house and to clear my head. I decided to head home early because I was being “harassed” by men on the stoop of their houses and from within their cars.

Don’t get me wrong getting some attention is flattering (and I’m using that term very lightly) but I personally do not like this particular kind of attention. Some women and young girls especially, do indeed like this kind of attention but in reality a guy is not trying to “holla” because he has respect for you and soon wants to make you his wife, he is doing this because he is a male and it is in his nature to be this way. And when he is with his friends he gets much worse. Besides, I’ve seen men try to talk to any kind of female. As long as he thinks she has a vagina, he’s on it! 

My main point and reasoning of this post is to ask one of the most puzzling questions that women have been asking themselves for centuries (especially in this century and the one that has just past):

Why do the men that lack chivalry and edicate insist on trying to court women in the way that they do? I mean, does it even work? I’m sure it does in some cases but the quality of the girl is not typically the highest when this method does suceed (I’m just being honest)… Since it’s proven by statistics that it absolutely DOES NOT work why do they continue to do it? Just as it’s done with scientific experiments; ’When one method of getting a woman’s attention doesn’t work wouldn’t it be wise to try another more improved method???’

Rule #1: Wear the color Red

Studies have shown that when either a male or female wears red it makes them appear more sexually appealing. Don’t go overboard and wear an all red outfit or anything b/c you will actually come out with the opposite results that you were hoping for.

Rule #2: Make sure you always smell good

One of our strongest senses is our sense of smell and the animal side of us is attracted to the way that someone smells. It can be a turn on or a total turn off. Personally, when a guy smells good I notice him instantly. In combination with a pleasing appearance it is definitely a 100% go for me. I can’t resist it. Tip: Make sure you do not use too much perfume or cologne. When too much is used the person you were hoping to attract will be repelled b/c they will not be able to breathe

Rule #3: Carry yourself with Confidence

This should actually be Rule #1 because this is the most important factor. You can have the right clothes, hair, and every other attractive outer appearance but if you lack confidence you might as well have nothing. Every guy that I have asked, “What is the most important thing you look for in a girl?” He always says, “She has to have confidence.”

Rule #4: Do not make it obvious you are trying to get their attention

Remember, your goal is to “impress” your crush by “casually” getting their attention. You don’t want a persona that screams “LOOK HERE I AM PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NOTICE ME!!!” Almost a year ago, I had a huge crush on this guy. I’m not normally the person that has crushes. So long story short, I’m pretty sure I scared him off because I know I was coming off desperate and I felt stupid and beat myself up for it. I think I didn’t know how to handle myself because like I said I’m not normally the type that has a crush. So, try to compose yourself the best way you can.

Rule #5: Be Yourself

I know what you’re thinking, this is so cliché Mia. Yeah, I know but there’s a reason why certain things are cliché, it’s because they work. If you’re not acting like yourself and this certain person falls for you, in reality that person didn’t really fall for you, they fell for the person you were pretending to be. Also, the average person can recognize when someone is not being themselves and that more than anything will jeopardize any kind of chance that you may have had with them in the first place.

A lot of girls contemplate with the idea of asking a guy out. “I’m the girl shouldn’t he be the one who asks me out?” Well, times have changed and it’s not so taboo to ask your guy crush out anymore. But the “technique” of the way a girl would ask a guy out as opposed to a guy asking a girl out is completely different. You see, when a guy asks a girl out it’s okay for him to be persistent; meaning if she says “no” it looks better if he were to keep trying (but not in a way where the behavior becomes dangerous) because it shows that he’s really interested and most of the time when this happens he’s interested in you for all the right reasons.

When a girl asks a guy out it should be more casual. She should say something like, “Hey Jason, do you maybe want to go to a movie with me sometime and dinner afterward, it’s my treat.” If he says “No” or “I can’t” it may hurt but you have to let that go and you really shouldn’t ask him out again. Why? Because with you being a female asking a guy out and he says no and you continue to be persistent on asking him out, you come off as extremely needy and desperate. And that’s not an attractive look on any girl.

A lot of females have this problem. I find that guys do too but not as much as women. The problem is, is that women get emotionally attached to ONE guy and let’s face it men usually don’t.

Okay, so there’s this guy you’ve been talking to because he’s shown an interest and wanted to get to know you better, you exchanged numbers and everything was good. Then, as time has gone on you’ve noticed that he doesn’t call or text as much anymore. In the beginning you both would talk all the time, now it’s down to your phone not ringing at all. Well this can mean one of two things: 1. He’s lost interest in you because he believes he has found something better or 2. You were always on the other end of the receiver when he would call. When he texted you, you would reply back instantly every time.

That’s where your big mistake was. When a guy or a girl that you’re interested in calls/texts you, do not immediately answer every time. Answering back immediately some of the time is okay though; you don’t want to make the mistake of making it look like you are not interested in this person at all.

Think about this…Haven’t you noticed when something is more available to you that you take it for granted? That’s because when something is in easy access to you and you find that it’s not worth working hard for then the reward just doesn’t seem as…rewarding as if it would have if you did have to work at it. I’m not saying to play games with the one you like because at the end of the day games are useless, but what I am saying is to be strategic. (although games require strategy) Because with the things that you desire most in life, doesn’t it require you to be at least a little bit strategic? 

Don’t worry you’re not alone in making this mistake I have too made this mistake and it resulted in him getting sick of me and dumping me. AND it doesn’t matter how pretty you are, if you make yourself too available he will get sick of you because after a while looks mean nothing when it comes to this.

So in conclusion:

1. When he/she calls or texts at least 60% of the time, do not answer him/her right away. This leaves a little bit of mystery to you and it shows him that you have better things to do than just waiting by the phone (even if you don’t)
2. Guys love a bit of mystery
3. Guys love it when you have your own thing going on. If they find you interesting enough then they will want to engage in the things that interest you

Do you believe that if someone cheats one time that they will continue to cheat or do you believe that it is possible for them to change their ways? Or even better…Have you ever cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend? If so how long did it go on and how did you handle it?